Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda …


Frequently when we discuss our own elopement or mention what we are doing with this blog and website we hear, “If I could go back and do it all over again, I would elope.” On the one hand it makes me happy that people are now starting to give small weddings the respect and attention they deserve, but I really don’t want ANYONE to have regrets about the day they get married. We grow up viewing weddings as a fantasy moment, an excuse to show off our wealth, or a passage into adulthood. Well, weddings aren’t really suppose to be about these things. There are some elements to consider when you are deciding what type of wedding you and your partner are going to have, or if you are having cold feet over the type of wedding you have already chosen.

You cannot make everyone happy. Give that up right now. Everyone and their dog is going to have an opinion of how you should do things. People will expect to be invited that you have not spoken to in years. Everyone will expect that you can accommodate them. You can’t do it. The sooner you have this realization and let go of the guilt associated with it the better. It is hard enough to find compromises for you and your partner, nobody else is entitled to an opinion.

Listen to your gut. If something feels wrong don’t ignore it. It may be just a little bit of normal nervousness. If you have that pit in the stomach dread when you are in bed, driving, on your coffee break, you have to address it. If the wedding is becoming a monster that you are losing control of, or it is not living up to your expectations, fix it. You don’t want to seem like a complainer and you don’t want to disappoint anyone. But is compromising your own needs on your wedding day REALLY the time? It’s not. You will be set up for huge regrets later on.

Remember the people on the cake. In the end it’s just you two. The marriage is about you, the party is for everyone else. Often in larger production weddings the couple barley sees each other. Have whatever sized, themed or colored wedding you like. Just make sure the center of the celebration is the couple who are committing to one another for life. Everything else is just a fleeting moment.

The thing is, I don’t want you to have regrets about eloping either. This isn’t an advertisement to push small weddings. You have to think long and hard about your expectations for the celebration, and how they are different or similar to your expectations for marriage. Remember, that is what is all about, the marriage.

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    • Natalie
    • December 8, 2016

    Thank you writing this post. I’m so happy I stumbled upon this blog. I got engaged last Christmas and booked the wedding venue quickly after but now that were 10 months out I’m starting to have 2nd thoughts about having a big wedding. The expense of everything is starting to take a toll. I just dont know what to do anymore! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

    1. Reply

      Hi Natalie!
      First of all, congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! I am so sorry that the planning and financial aspects are taking away from the fun and excitement planning should be. If you are considering a more intimate wedding check into to all the deposits you have put down and see if you will lose any money. I will warn you, small weddings and elopements have the potential to become money pits as well. Way out your options. Don’t be afraid to lay down the law with vendors, all prices are negotiable. Think about week day ceremony bookings, small florists for DIY bouquets, homemade bakers for cakes, and à la carte options for photography.
      Talk to your fiancé. Do your expectations and hopes for your wedding day match with what it is looking like today? Remember it is YOUR day, you can change your mind at any time. I wish you the best, let us know how things turn out!
      xo Michelle

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